The Morning Rant: Annoying Blade Reviews

Occasionally I scan shaving-product reviews on line looking for helpful information on various products. Most reviews are a little helpful at best; but some are really useless. A few of these reviews are just kind of humorous, others thoughtless. But some others seem to be written by the mentally challenged. Below are some representative reviews (actual reviews are enclosed in quotation marks) followed by comments I'd like to make in reply:

• "did you receive product." (This was actually the complete review in its entirety.) Huh? Okay, well possibly English is not your primary language, but if you didn't get the product, why do a review??? Also, did you even review your comments before you hit the publish button? Some may argue that a no-delivery review is helpful. NO. Not if the product is available from several sellers and you don't specify which one didn't deliver. Also, did you follow up with the seller and get a refund? If not, you're just whining. Also, on sites like Amazon, not only is there a specific seller-feedback area, where these kinds of experiences are to be reported, in many cases you can get a no-questions-asked refund with the click of a button.
•  "... My whiskers must be coarse because the ... razors tore up my face. Not very sharp." Uh, they tore up your face because they're not sharp? I would think a dull blade would pull, not draw blood. Maybe just a little cockpit error here? Pressing too hard? Poor technique? Wrong razor for blade?
• "cut my fingers getting blade out of the package ... " If you can't handle sharp objects, maybe you should be shaving with an electric. Does mommy cut up your food at dinner so you are safe?
• Generic pet peeve: referring to blades as razors. No, the sharp thingies that one puts in a DE razor are called BLADES!
• Another generic peeve: referring to a DE razor as a handle. No, the razor is the razor, and the part that you actually hold -- and is removable in a three-piece razor -- is called a handle.
• "... I haven't found a blade yet that doesn't leave me bumpy or bleeding." Maybe you just haven't found the right razor!
• "Ok, but not in the top three." Oh, I see.... NOT! What is your beard and skin type? What razor did you use? What are the three blades that you think are at the top? If you don't provide this, your comments are USELESS!!!
• "You must have a device to achieve your desire. Individually the blades are floppy and difficult to use." Yes, DE blades are awkward to use on your face if you don't put them in a RAZOR! Also, sometimes one can achieve one's desire with a friend, not a device. ;-)
• "I've only tried one of these blades so far, so I could have gotten a bad blade..." Well then WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY MORE BEFORE YOUR WROTE A PRODUCT REVIEW? This happens often. The worst are when someone writes, "I haven't actually used the product yet, but..." and then they give some silly opinion.  Really?
• Generic pet peeve: "YMMV" STOP! ENOUGH! This is so bloody obvious; it's not clever! We get it: you're an experienced DE shaver who regularly lurks in on-line shaving forums. If you want to be helpful, then stop telling everyone their mileage may vary, and instead address the key factors that cause varying shave outcomes from person to person. This would include razor-design aspects such as blade exposure, blade-bar gap, blade angle, et cetera, as well as personal factors of hair type, skin sensitivity, beard prep, et cetera.
• "there's no disposal slot..." What is this, 1960? Have you heard of recycling? Imagine every bit of trash that you send to the landfill, then multiply it by 1,000,000 thoughtless persons doing the same thing. It costs next to nothing to put used blades in a tin can with a slot, and after five years or so, send the full can to the recycling plant.

Whew, thanks for letting me vent. I feel better.  ;-)

Happy shaving!