Sunday Kickoff and a Mash Up of Other Sports Allusions

The headline doesn't allude to professional football. It's a new week, a new day, the start of the remainder of my life. Together, let's make the return a good one, break par on the back nine; let's run out the clock with a comfortable lead. So here's the current issue:

My two-pass shave this morning left something to be desired. Oh, it was pretty close, and comfortable too. The flag on the play was that I did get three weepers: one on my chin, and pinpoint weepers on my upper lip and cheek.

What to do? WHAT to DO?

What I don't want to do is go back to three passes; it's just too abusive on my delicate dermis. Yet the second pass, which I make against the grain to maximize shave closeness, is an aggressive move to the hoop that too often is called for charging. I could make the second pass across the grain, which is a less aggressive attack, but then it isn't as close as I desire.

Here's my plan. I'm going to experiment once again with a two-razor process. Pursuing that, I pulled out my inventory of DE razors, considering which might be best for an initial pass, and which for the second, final pass. After considering my three-piece razors, I'm going to stick with the vintage Tech as a first-pass, with-grain razor. Then the plan is to switch the blade into my Merkur Classic (33C) razor head to bat clean up.

But before I invoke the one-two combination of three-piece razors, I'm also going back to one-piece razors. I've dusted off my vintage Gillette Slim Adjustable and my Weishi 9306-F TTO. The Slim will be my first-pitch fastball, set somewhere between three and five (out of nine), to get my beard fairway smooth with the first-round, with-grain pass. Then I'll take the Weishi from the bull pen for an off-speed delivery, and try to get as slick as a dry putting green at the U.S. Open -- without any divots, of course.

I did consider using the Slim for both passes -- just dialing back for the encore. But after eye balling the exposure on the Slim's most gentle setting, it doesn't look congenial enough for the task. So it will be the Weishi that is pitching relief when the Slim is the starter.

The line up for tomorrow will be the one-piece-razors sequence. I'll take the 14th use of my Personna red-label blade -- the one on which I've been stropping after the shave on my oiled palm -- and lead off with the Slim, then use the Weishi as the closer.

I'll report out on that tomorrow. Stay tuned, sports fans.

Happy shaving!

Sports-Allusion Glossary:

1. Sunday Kickoff: american football
2. The return: american football
3. Break par on the back nine: golf
4. Run out the clock: american football, basketball
5. Flag on the play: american football
6. Move to the hoop.... charging: basketball
7. Bat clean up: baseball
8. One-two combination: boxing, mma
9. First-pitch fastball: baseball
10. Fairway smooth: golf
11. First round: tournaments -- golf, tennis, etc
12. Bull pen, off-speed delivery: baseball
13. Dry putting green.... divots: golf
14. Pitching relief: baseball
15. Line up: baseball
16. Lead off.... closer: baseball

How many did you notice?